South Africa Golf - imagine

Imagine you’re on vacation in South Africa, specifically in the region around George—a place where people escape the damp, cold, and foggy Swiss winter. The mere thought is already enticing. It’s said to be a paradise for those enjoying pensions in hard currency, where access to abundant meat feasts and oak barrels filled with fine wine turns life into a gourmet’s delight. A tempting prospect.

Nature flourishes, the sun warms your skin, and the hills of the Karoo shift in color throughout the day—from a soft reddish blue in the early morning to a blazing yellow-red-ochrea at noon, and finally to a warm ochrea-red in the evening. A visual spectacle of breathtaking beauty.

Now, picture yourself as a golfer. Not as agile as in your younger years, but thanks to the soothing warmth, your hips bother you less. You glide across one of the stunning golf courses in your e-caddie, sending the ball soaring down the fairway with long, precise strokes, executing controlled chips and pitches that land near the flag stick. A gentle tap with your putter—and the ball disappears into the hole. A birdie! Maybe even an albatross? The thought alone seems almost too good to be true—though even a par would fill you with joy.

But wait! So far, everything has gone according to plan. The golf ball sits just 20 cm from the hole. You step out of the e-caddie, grab your putter, and prepare for the final stroke. Then, you notice the shadow. A loud, menacing snort reaches your ears. The ground trembles under heavy footsteps. You look up—and there he stands: a massive, wild African elephant bull with bloodshot eyes. His rage is palpable. Legend has it that he was once struck by a misfired golf ball—since then, golfers haven’t exactly been his favorite humans.

Your pulse races. Run? Freeze? Maybe retreat slowly? A golden rule comes to mind: avoid eye contact, make no sudden movements. Carefully, you raise your hands, trying to make yourself appear larger—but not threatening. Your heart pounds as you take slow steps backward. The elephant lifts his trunk, exhales another loud breath—a final warning?

At that moment, a loud voice calls out. The groundskeeper, an experienced ranger, approaches with a calm yet firm tone. He raises his arms and speaks softly to the mighty animal. The elephant snorts again, stomps one last time—then turns, slowly trotting away, disappearing among the trees.

You take a deep breath. Your adrenaline levels begin to drop. The golf ball is still there, 20 cm from the hole. You glance at it, then at your putter. With trembling hands, you take the shot—and sink it. A birdie. An experience you will never forget.

The Bold Version

You follow the late Dr. Grzimek’s advice, sprinkle some salt on the elephant’s tail, and he purrs contentedly as you sink your birdie.

The Devious Version

You distract the elephant by drawing attention to your eternally nagging wife, who would rather be lounging on the beach—thus solving your marital problem in a most natural way.

The Likely Version

A tusk pierces you, and you end up on the front page of the news, generating millions of clicks while the videographer gets rich—along with the $ check from USA Today.